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Rooney-esque Curmudgeon Fodder
Things I am tired of, in no particular order:
Kardashians. All of them (and there seems to be a limitless supply). I see no reason for these people to be so much of a blip in the American consciousness, but they seem to be everywhere. Good grief, you can’t turn on your computer or turn on TV or look at the magazine rack at the grocery store checkout line without some Kardashian looking back at you. This might be understandable if they were superheroes or a family of scientists finding the cure for cancer, but as far as I can tell not a single one of them has done anything other than be a Kardashian.
Back in the olden days, people who were famous simply for being famous wound up on game shows. Now we get them in prime time. As far as I’m concerned, a bunch of Kardashians running wild over the media landscape is all the proof you need to show that the world is in danger of spinning out of control.
Goober TV. Also known as “Watching Semi-Toothless People Cackle With Delight When City Folks Try To Catch Fish Bare-handed” and other cultural delights. Back before television completely abandoned any notion of decency, these people would have been presented on the evening news as somebody Charles Kuralt bumped into when he took a wrong turn on his way to the Kansas City Mustard Festival. Now they have fan clubs.
But lest you think I am picking on the Semi-Toothless Cackler community, let me say that I take an expanded view of Gooberism where TV is concerned. You may also count as Goober TV any reality shows involving junk, storage lockers, tattoos, pawnshops, brides, fashion victims or housewives.
What’s that you say? Not all of the people on those shows are Goobers? You’re right. The Goobers are the ones who watch.
Motor Scooters. Yeah, they’re cute. Yeah, they’re trendy. Yeah, they seem to be operated, in the main, by people who aren’t as smart as a sack of hammers. The other day I saw a kid riding down a four-lane thoroughfare on one while talking on a cell phone. Why did I see him? Because he ran a red light in front of me. Did he see me? Not a chance. In fact, he never even turned his head to see why my brakes were squealing. And this isn’t the first time I’ve had to do that for one of those clowns.
Talent Shows. I probably should have included this with the Goober thing but I just remembered it. Once when I was trapped inside on a rainy day at Grandma’s, a woman on Ted Mack’s Original Amateur Hour played “Yankee Doodle” on her dentures. After an experience like that, you try to put talent shows out of your mind forever.
Facebook Complainers. Lately I’ve overheard all sorts of people complaining about changes to Facebook (that’s a free social media site to those of you with the sense to avoid it). To which I say: How much did you pay for it?
That’s it for now. I have more stuff on the list of things I’m tired of, and I might get around to sharing it someday, but for now I need to get off this subject. One of the things I’m really tired of is being tired of things.
© 2011 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
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