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Mike Redmond Column

Please refer to the Mike Redmond Column main page for columns published in other issues.
Mike can be contacted via e-mail at mike@mikeredmondonline.com.

 

 

 

 House Painting Job a Bit Tacky

The house is being painted and it’s kind of fun, in that “you’re a prisoner in your own home while hordes of strangers take over the place” kind of way.

No, really, they’re nice guys. Always friendly and they’re doing a great job especially when you consider the quantities of Mountain Dew these guys drink. If I had half that much caffeine coursing through my system I’d be splashing paint around like Jackson Pollock.

Actually, I kind of like that idea: An abstract impressionist house. Unfortunately I live in one of those rooty-tooty-snooty neighborhoods where we have to adhere to the aesthetic standards of the time when the houses were built, which is another way of saying the aesthetic standards of the people who can afford to impose their tastes on the rest of us.

And that’s why I’m going with the same colors I went with last time – two shades of green with dark red and cream trim. These were the colors of the house when I bought it. As far as I know, this house has always been these colors, owing no doubt to a succession of owners who didn’t have enough influence to tell the Neighborhood Paint Council to go pound sand.

But back to the painters. They’ve been here about a week now and I’m getting used to their presence. The blocked doors, for example. My poor dog was not in the least happy about that one. She has been especially thirsty lately and … well, you get the picture. I was about to open a window and tell her to make a jump for it when I got the signal that the back door could be opened again. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dog so relieved. She smiled. I swear she smiled.

Like many workmen, they like to listen to the radio while they work, and because they’re working outside tend to keep the volume cranked up to ENTERTAIN THE PEOPLE IN THE NEXT BLOCK. However, with this many guys on the job, you’re going to find varying musical tastes, which means that it is now possible for me to listen to rock and country at the same. It can make you a little airsick, but then, so can talk radio.

I do like the fact that they have a Port-a-John on the premises. Number one, with all that Mountain Dew, it just makes good sense. Number two, so to speak, the thing stinks to high heaven, which I think of as a little payback to the rooty-tooty-snooty people when they walk past with their designer dogs.

It really is going well, this painting project, but it has not been without incident. The other day, for example, I came in from working out in my garage gym and went directly to the shower, seeing as how I was at that moment competing with the Port-a-John for the Most Fragrant award. Imagine my surprise when I stepped out of the shower and saw one of the guys getting ready to paint around the bathroom window. From the look on his face I don’t think he was expecting me, either.

Oh well. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before. And it did have an upside.

And as luck would have it, I turned the exact shade of red I wanted for the window trim.

 

 

 

© 2011 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.