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RUSHVILLE CHRYSLER-JEEP-DODGE
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PIT STOP PIZZA & PUB
Open for breakfast at 6 a.m., Mon-Sat. Steak special Fri-Sat. Daily homemade meal specials. 711 N. Main Street in Carthage. 765-565-6078

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HINSEY-BROWN FUNERAL SERVICE
Two locations: 7355 S. State Road 109, Knightstown (765-345-7400) and 3406 S. Memorial Dr. in New Castle (765-529-7100)
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LEAKEY INSURANCE AGENCY
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KNIGHTSTOWN COLLISION CENTER
Call 765-345-5380 for info/quote or visit us at 221 W. Main Street

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SUPERIOR MOWERS & MORE
Call 317-462-1323 or visit us on the web for more info
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CONDO & SON FUNERAL HOME
Funeral services, monument sales. 130 S. Main Street in Wilkinson. Call 765-781-2435.
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Mike Redmond Column

Please refer to the Mike Redmond Column main page for columns published in other issues.
Mike can be contacted via e-mail at mike@mikeredmondonline.com.

 

 

 

 Junk Food Gimmicks Kind of Cheesy

So there I was, pushing my cart past the Forbidden Foods (i.e. anything fun) aisle of the grocery store when I was stopped in my tracks by Cheesy Poofs.

(Actually, they weren’t really Cheesy Poofs. They were Chee-tohs. You’ll find them on the rack next to the Lie-Ohs and Steal-Ohs.)

Anyway, back to the package. “Limited Edition,” it said.

They meant the package, not the contents. On the outside, it was a reproduction of the Chee-tohs bag from the olden days. On the inside, I presume, it was the same neon orange junk as usual.

What a weird thing – a limited edition junk food package. Weird in my world, anyway, although I imagine there are lots of people out there who think this is a great idea.

Biff: Gosh, Judy! I sure do miss the old Chee-tohs package!

Judy: Me, too, Biff! Our nifty teen parties, weenie roasts and record hops just aren’t the same since they changed it!

Biff: If only they would come up with a limited edition package that looks just like the old one!

Judy: That would be keen!

Biff: Gosh, Judy! You’re such a swell girl! How about you and me heading up to the lake to watch the submarine races?

Judy: Keep your mind on the Chee-tohs, Biff.

Or something.

Here’s a question: What do you do with the Limited Edition package once the Unlimited Edition contents are gone? It’s a limited edition, after all. Do you frame it? Tuck it away in a safe deposit box? Bequeath it to an heir?

Lawyer (reading will): To my daughter Ammonia I leave the house, the cars, and my ginormous personal fortune. To my son Mildew I leave my Limited Edition Chee-tohs bag.

Ammonia (sobbing, to Mildew): Daddy always loved you best!

Now, I’m not saying I’m immune to junk food nostalgia. As soon as it came back on the market, I bought a bunch of Bonomo Turkish Taffy – at great peril to some rather extensive dentistry, I might add. I chuckled at the throwback cans of Mountain Dew (mostly because I think the best thing you can do when someone hands you a Dew is to throw it back). I can’t get enough Beeman’s gum, which comes out every once in a while along with Black Jack and Clove gums as well.

I miss Post Toasties, Mister Salty pretzels, Salerno butter cookies and Butternut candy bars. And if someone would start making Chesty Potato Chips and Pokagon soda again I would think I had died and gone to heaven.

But I’m not a sucker.

Remember when TV Guide – I mean, remember TV Guide? Remember how they used to come out with collector editions with four different covers for the same week? What a ripoff. Gee, I wonder many of those collector sets are sealed away, waiting to go into a museum?

Or, for a more recent example of gooballery, Hershey is producing a chocolate bar with bubbles in it. That’s a big innovation, all right. They’re selling chocolate air.

And now, Limited Edition Chee-tohs? Toward what end?

I think we know. It’s toward the end of selling a lot more Chee-tohs by preying on the goofballs who actually think this is a big deal. As if. They’re just Chee-tohs, for crying out loud.

Now, Fritos … well, that would be a different story entirely.

 

 

 

© 2011 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.