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Stripped Down Story Not as Titillating
I was poring over the headlines the other day (as opposed to pouring over them, although I did put an extra splash of milk on my Froot Loops that morning) trying to decide which news story would spark the most reader interest.
Would it be unrest in Egypt? Probably not. As long as Charlie Sheen is in the news (partying, it is alleged, with a briefcase full of South American marching powder and a roomful of businesswomen), people overthrowing their government is never going to finish in the top slot.
Then I stumbled onto a story that I am pretty sure will be one of the most widely-read this month, if not this year, and one that could have implications for Central Indiana as well.
I speak of the crisis in Dallas, host of this year’s Super Duper Bowl, where there are reports of a grave shortage of … strippers.
Yes. According to reports, the city known as Big D (how suddenly appropriate) has a shortage of pneumatic women who make their living in places euphemistically known as “gentleman’s” clubsb by disrobing on small stages equipped shiny poles with which to “dance,” wielding invisible vacuum cleaners with which to remove gobs of money from the wallets of those patrons of the arts who cluster around the stages drinking $15 beers.
Estimates of a stripper shortage numbering in the thousands are ricocheting ‘round the Weird Wide Web in something akin to an old-fashioned game of telephone. Website A posts a story saying a strip club owner wants to hire 100 extra entertainers for Super Bowl week. Website B picks up the story and makes it 150. Website C adds another hundred or so.
And then, some genius at Website D gets a bright idea called extrapolation and does the math: 100 extra strippers per club times the number of clubs in the Dallas area, and suddenly you’re seeing headlines saying that as many as 10,000 women are needed to fill the lap dance gap.
Which is just nonsense.
Let us turn to our friends at ESPN to offer a little perspective.
According to Patrick Hruby, writing on ESPN Page 2, the Super Duper Bowl is expected to bring 150,000 visitors to Dallas. It seems highly unlikely that the city is going to need one stripper for every 15 visitors.
He further points out that claims of these visitors unloading up to $600 million on the city seem rather, shall we say, optimistic to academic economists. The amount of loot they leave behind will be big, no doubt, but not $600 million big. Probably more like $200 million. And, to get back to the strippers, it won’t all be in one-dollar bills, either.
Here in Central Indiana, of course, we are looking forward to our being host city for the Super Duper Bowl next year. Even as we speak people are running around sprucing up Indianapolis, the way your Mom used to get ready for company by making the house looked as though nobody actually lived there.
Isn’t it nice to know we probably don’t have to worry about whether we’ll have enough strippers? I know I’ll sleep better. And now we can turn our attention back to the real news.
Oh, wait. Excuse me. I mean whatever Charlie Sheen is doing.
© 2011 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
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