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Mike Redmond Column

Please refer to the Mike Redmond Column main page for columns published in other issues.
Mike can be contacted via e-mail at mike@mikeredmondonline.com.

 

 

 

 More Trendy Names from the Uncreative

I used to joke that if I had a son I would name him Edmond. Edmond Redmond. Much laughter would follow. OK, maybe a couple of nervous chuckles.

Anyway, I see now that my joke is small potatoes indeed compared to some of the Laff Riots people are hanging on their kids these days.

For example, according to (as they say on TV) our good friends at babynamewizard.com, one of the hotter new baby names for girls is Lux.

Yes, Lux. Like the unit of measurement for illumination. Or the Latin word for light. Or soap: “Hi, this is our daughter Lux, and over there is her brother Castile.”

That’s not as much of a joke as you might think. The number one trendy new boys’ name is, in fact, Castile, like the soap, except it’s being spelled Castiel.

But wait, as they say on TV. There’s more!

Other entries in the Top Ten Fastest Rising Names Guaranteed To Get Your Son Massacred On The Playground are:

Bentley (a car), Easton (a sporting good company): Zion (a church), St. John (also a church); Leland (my old junior high school in Bethesda, MD); Kaiden (one of the popular “-den” names along with Brayden, Jayden, and one you REALLY don’t want to give a boy, Maiden); Lennon (a Beatle or, if you watch the Lawrence Welk reruns, a sister) and Eoin (a typing exercise).

OK, I was kidding about Eoin. It’s not a typing exercise. It’s an Irish name, meaning “assortment of vowels thrown together with a consonant on the end.” And it’s pronounced just as you would think: “Phil.”

Now, girls, don’t go getting all smug. In the trendy name … um, trend, you have some lulus. And sad to say, Lulu isn’t among them.

Tenley, however, leads the list. And what, you ask, is a Tenley? Supposedly it comes from Old English (also known as Olde Englishe) and means “Dennis’ Field,” as in “plante the barleye and oates in tenley,” I guess. However, its popularity should not be attributed to a surge of interest in ancient agriculture, but to the fact that it was the name of someone on a so-called “reality” show, an increasingly popular entertainment thanks to the growing number of people who do not have what we used to call “lives.”

Other entries include Sookie (once a popular name for workhorses, now a TV vampire), Ever (and its twin, After), Tinsley (isn’t that a brand of tea?), Kinsley (of course), Everly (a brother), Briella (a small umbrella) and Navi.

Yes. Navi. People are naming their children after big, blue and – this is the important part – imaginary alien characters from an overblown movie. Viewed that way, it’s really not that far removed from naming your kids Bugs and Daffy.

I suppose it could be worse. Oh, wait. It is. According to another list, names poised for popularity include Edgar and Julius. Compared to that, Bentley is practically sane.

Actually, I went to school briefly with a fellow named Bentley. He was a 23 year old high school sophomore with a jelly roll haircut and a legendary case of BO. The dude had an entire section of the lunchroom to himself, for the seven or eight weeks he attended school.

Let’s hope the new crop of little Bentleys don’t follow his lead, in the academic or personal hygiene departments. Especially the latter. There may not be enough Castiels to set them right.

 

 

 

© 2010 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.