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RUSHVILLE CHRYSLER-JEEP-DODGE
New & used vehicles with a full line service & parts dept. Call 765-932-2447 or 866-576-7874 or visit us on the web for more info.
rushvillechryslerjeepdodge.com

open 7 days! dine-in or carry-out
PIT STOP PIZZA & PUB
Open for breakfast at 6 a.m., Mon-Sat. Steak special Fri-Sat. Daily homemade meal specials. 711 N. Main Street in Carthage. 765-565-6078

the caring professionals
HINSEY-BROWN FUNERAL SERVICE
Two locations: 7355 S. State Road 109, Knightstown (765-345-7400) and 3406 S. Memorial Dr. in New Castle (765-529-7100)
hinsey-brown.com

family-owned/operated
LEAKEY INSURANCE AGENCY
Call 765-345-5171 for info/quote.
leakeyinsurance.com

body repair experts
KNIGHTSTOWN COLLISION CENTER
Call 765-345-5380 for info/quote or visit us at 221 W. Main Street

parts for mowers
SUPERIOR MOWERS & MORE
Call 317-462-1323 or visit us on the web for more info
superiormowers.com

a family tradition since 1898
CONDO & SON FUNERAL HOME
Funeral services, monument sales. 130 S. Main Street in Wilkinson. Call 765-781-2435.
condoandson.com

Mike Redmond Column

Please refer to the Mike Redmond Column main page for columns published in other issues.
Mike can be contacted via e-mail at mike@mikeredmondonline.com.

 

 

 

 Shading the Truth About Shades

I have a problem with sunglasses.

My problem involves the fact that I can very seldom find any I like, and when I do, I invariably lose them or break them, usually within a few days of purchase.

You Freudian analysts out there will, of course, interpret this to mean that I really don’t want to wear sunglasses at all, probably because my mother forced me to eat Cheerios, or something like that. I think that could fairly be called “overanalyzing the situation.”

Mostly I think it’s just a case of me being kind of clumsy with them. OK, very clumsy.

“Just buy cheap ones,” my friends have said. “That way, when you lose them or break them, you can just go buy another pair. No big deal.”

Obviously they have never dealt with sunglass clumsitude on a scale like mine. Case in point: The other Saturday, I had to swing by Target to buy some sunglasses to replace the ones I left somewhere. Then I went out to run errands. Two hours later, at a Farmer’s Market, they fell out of my shirt pocket and on to the floor, where I promptly applied one of my size 11 Red Wing work boots, the left one, to them. And so I also stopped at Target on the way home.

“Get some expensive ones, so you’ll take better care of them,” my other friends have said. Once again, bad idea. When last seen, my $350 prescription sunglasses were riding around in the back seat of a taxi cab in Omaha. By themselves.

I’ve only had one pair of prescription sunglasses I did not break or lose. I still have them, in fact. They’re left over from my rock and roll days when I went to the optician looking for drama.

“What are these?” I asked, pointing to a pair of Ray-Bans.

“Those are the Roy Orbison models with standard lenses,” said the bored hipper-than-thou clerk. What is it about these people who think selling sunglasses makes them cooler than everyone else? At any rate …

“Can they be made darker?”

“Sure. How’s this?” she asked, holding up a smoky gray lens.

“Too light.”

“This?” A darker lens.

“Still too light.”

“Well, that leaves this,” she said, holding up a piece of glass so opaque it might as well have been onyx. “We don’t recommend them, though, because they’re so dark. They’re called the Stevie Wonders.”

“Perfect,” I said.

So that’s what I got: The Roy Orbison Autograph Models with the Stevie Wonder Option Pack (talent not included).

And as I said, I still have them, although I can’t use them. Number one, my prescription has changed. Not that it would make much difference. They weren’t kidding about these things being dark. They’re so dark as to be useless. You would have to be standing in the Sahara at high noon to see your hand in front of your face.

Oh, well. There are lots worse problems to have, I’ll grant you. Not that long ago, I could hardly see at all, day or night. Adding “sunglasses” to the budget is short beer compared to being blind.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go. I need to go to Target. You know why.

 

 

 

© 2010 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.