Knightstown Banner Online

Search The Banner Online

PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSORS

earning your business everyday
RUSHVILLE CHRYSLER-JEEP-DODGE
New & used vehicles with a full line service & parts dept. Call 765-932-2447 or 866-576-7874 or visit us on the web for more info.
rushvillechryslerjeepdodge.com

open 7 days! dine-in or carry-out
PIT STOP PIZZA & PUB
Open for breakfast at 6 a.m., Mon-Sat. Steak special Fri-Sat. Daily homemade meal specials. 711 N. Main Street in Carthage. 765-565-6078

the caring professionals
HINSEY-BROWN FUNERAL SERVICE
Two locations: 7355 S. State Road 109, Knightstown (765-345-7400) and 3406 S. Memorial Dr. in New Castle (765-529-7100)
hinsey-brown.com

family-owned/operated
LEAKEY INSURANCE AGENCY
Call 765-345-5171 for info/quote.
leakeyinsurance.com

body repair experts
KNIGHTSTOWN COLLISION CENTER
Call 765-345-5380 for info/quote or visit us at 221 W. Main Street

parts for mowers
SUPERIOR MOWERS & MORE
Call 317-462-1323 or visit us on the web for more info
superiormowers.com

a family tradition since 1898
CONDO & SON FUNERAL HOME
Funeral services, monument sales. 130 S. Main Street in Wilkinson. Call 765-781-2435.
condoandson.com

Mike Redmond Column

Please refer to the Mike Redmond Column main page for columns published in other issues.
Mike can be contacted via e-mail at mike@mikeredmondonline.com.

 

 

 

 Three Small Meals and a Carrot ... Right!

Got an e-mail recently about a weight-loss plan that requires you to eat every 13 minutes and thought, “At last! A diet plan that follows my eating habits!”

Then I read the fine print. Drat. I had visions of heading to the fridge every 13 minutes for another chicken leg or bite of cold pizza. Or maybe a popsicle. I like popsicles. Or at least one those miniature Hershey bars, preferably a Krackle.

But no. This diet calls for healthy food, and not much of it at that.

In addition to your three approved (another way of saying small, low calorie and boring) meals a day, you’re supposed to eat something every 13 minutes, or 30 times a day – “something” being defined as a piece of raw vegetable or lean protein, about the size of the tip of your pinkie.

Let me repeat that: Every 13 minutes, you eat a morsel the about half the size of a lima bean.

In other words, over the course of the day you will eat a total of one carrot and half a slice of cold turkey – one teeny bite at a time. Whoop-ti-doo.

The idea, I guess, is to keep that ol’ metabolism cranked up and running on high by giving it little digestive chores to do all day long. I don’t know about you, but my metabolism tends not to react well to this sort of procedure. My metabolism is a trained professional, and after a lifetime of processing three (or more) great honking meals a day, it would consider a nibble every 13 minutes to be busy work.

Or not. Actually, my metabolism has gone haywire these last few years as my thyroid has become derelict in its duty, bless its little malfunctioning self. I kind of doubt eating a bite of carrot every quarter-hour-minus-two-minutes is going to make a whole lot of difference.

It’s also not going to make much of a dent in the carrot supply.

OK, so this is probably not the weight loss program for me.

Actually, I’ve only known one diet to work – the Dr. Shecky Diet, named for my former physician (now retired), the world’s funniest (he thinks) family practitioner. It was so simple even I could understand it:

1. Don’t eat anything with a label on it.

2. Eat lean meats and not too many of those.

3. Get up and move your fat behind.

See? Not tricky at all. Well, except for Number 3. And the fact that Shecky forgot to say anything about cupcakes, which tend to be unlabeled. I guess he assumed I was adult enough to understand they don’t belong on a diet. That was his mistake. While he was looking for a slimmer, healthier Mike, the old model Mike was looking for loopholes.

(Don’t worry. He found out and closed them with what we might call a slightly blistering doctor-patient conversation.)

So I guess the message is clear, to me anyway. Instead of working all day to nibble away at a carrot, it’s time for me to get back on the Shecky diet and call the personal trainer. It won’t be easy, but Mom always said nothing good ever comes from taking the easy way out. Not that living on three small meals and a carrot per day is easy, but you haven’t met my personal trainer. Speaking of getting blistered. Wish me luck.

 

 

 

© 2008 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.