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Maple Nut Goodies Transcend Time, etc.
My fellow Americans.
I rise today to speak in favor of an American institution, without which life these 50 states and 14 or so territories would be nearly so sweet - the Brach's Maple But Goodies.
Yes, my friends, the Maple Nut Goodies, beloved by candy cognoscenti from sea to shining sea - peanuts coated in toffee wrapped in maple shells. What's not to love?
And not only do they taste good, they have the magical power to transcend time and space, if you don't eat them too often. And so today I place in nomination the Maple Nut Goodie for the esteemed office of Mike's Official Favorite Candy, at least for right now.
Oops. Sorry. I guess you can tell I've been watching a lot of politics on TV lately, and eating Maple Nut Goodies while I did it. What can I say? I'm easily influenced where candy is concerned. Politics is another matter entirely.
But back to the goodies. I buy them about once a year. I'll be pushing my cart down the Trap The Kids Aisle (cereal on one side, candy on the other, toys at either end) and all of a sudden that Brach's bag will start calling to me: "Mike ... oh MIIIIIKE ... it's us, the Maple Nut Goodies. Been awhile since we've seen you. Why don't you pick up a bag and take us home with you, buddy? Come on, it's been a year. You know you want to. Do it, man! Do it!"
And the next thing I know I'm pulling them out of a grocery bag at home, along with the cheese crackers, Froot Loops and ice cream sandwiches that also talk to me when I go shopping.
You know, I need to switch to a less-conversational grocery store.
Now, I mentioned that the Maple Nut Goodie has the power to transcend time and space. This is absolutely true. The first one out of the bad invariably takes me back to the time I filched one out of my dad's stash and discovered that the old man had been holding out on us, candy-wise. It was a revelation - the crunch of the peanut and toffee against the smooth, sweet maple coating. And it was a surprise, considering that the other candy he routinely brought home unfit for human consumption Circus Peanuts. How my dad could eat them mystified me. And that he could eat them and still recognize the greatness of Maple Nut Goodies puzzles me still.
Maple Nut Goodies also trigger a flood of memories, of other kidhood candy favorites: Slo-Pokes and Sugar Daddies, Zagnut and Zero bars, Turkish Taffy, Boston Baked Beans, French Burnt Peanuts, Hollywood Milkshake bars, Mary Janes, Nik-L-Nips, Pixy Stix, nougat jels, coconut neapolitians, candy cigarettes, bubble gum cigars, licorice (black for me, thanks), gumdrops, cinnamon bears, Choc-O-Mint Life Savers, Regal Crown Cherry Sours, Teaberry Gum ... all the candies I loved. Also all the candies that have built swimming pools in the backyards of my last three dentists.
Of course, I have to lay off the candy these days. Too much dental work and too much waistline. And besides, having just plowed through this bag of Maple Nut Goodies, suddenly I'm not feeling so well. I have a headache and ... well, let's just say the candy might make a return appearance. I'm feeling quite nauseous. Then again, that could be the politics.
© 2008 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
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