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A Big, Bad Bobby Knight Conspiracy
We just have time for a few questions. Yes, you there, the one in the red and white?
It's cream and crimson.
So it is. Something tells me I know what you want to talk about. You have a question?
Yes. What does your Mom think of the fact that Bob Knight retired and Kelvin Sampson's buns are in the browner?
I knew it. OK, here you go: Mom is hoping that the conspiracy theorists are correct, that it's all being engineered so Her Boy Bobby can be invited back to Bloomington to pick up where he left off, coaching her beloved Hoosiers.
What do you think?
I think you have a better chance of seeing little devils zooming around on ice skates.
What does Pee-Wee Hockey have to do with it?
No, you see, it's devils on ice skates because hell has frozen over and - oh, never mind.
Your Mom still loves Bobby Knight, then?
Let me answer this way: For Christmas, we got her the Not Very Good Basketball Teams You Never Heard Of Package for her satellite TV. Now she sleeps on the sofa with an alarm clock set to Middle Of The Night so she can watch tape-delayed games from that trade school where The General had been coaching. So the answer is no, my mother doesn't still love Bobby Knight. My mother is still out of her gourd about Bobby Knight. Next question.
What about IU? Does your mom still root for IU, too?
My mother has been following IU basketball since 1949. She's now about to stop now. As she frequently points out to her children, she's known the Hoosiers longer than she's known any of us kids.
But she loves her kids more, doesn't she?
You obviously weren't there when she got the autographed photo of John Laskowski.
I'll bet she's looking forward to tournament time.
Only in the sense that one might also look forward to breathing. As far as Mom is concerned, basketball not only the greatest game ever invented, it's also in a class with air, water, nourishment and shelter -- necessary for the maintenance of life on this planet.
Have you ever talked to her about her obsession with basketball?
Tried to the other day, in fact. Didn't work.
I called on a Saturday. She told me to call back when she was done watching basketball. She penciled me in for Tuesday, mid-morning.
So back to Bobby Knight for a moment ...
We must. Why does your mother continue to worship him?
Beats me. Maybe she thinks his behavior is amusing. Although don't you start throwing chairs or slapping players if you know what's good for you. Or maybe it's the fact that he did bring glory to Old IU, and as far as his behavior is concerned, it might have been deplorable to some people, but at least he never cheated and his players graduated. Which, of course, is the classic Bob Knight Apologist Argument heard in diners and beauty shops all over Indiana. Except for the places populated by Purdue fans, I mean.
Will she stick with IU even after all the trouble with the Kelvinator?
Even then. She wouldn't be much of a fan if she bailed. Besides, it's not IU's fault he's not ...
Actually, I was going to say honest. Besides, as Mom loves to say, there could only ever be one Bobby. And as the rest of us know, that's plenty.
© 2008 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
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