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Writer 'Bids' Farewell to His Money
I’m beginning to think I might be just a bit too competive for eBay.
Case in point: The neckties.
I love neckties from the 1940s. They’re so – well, with all those wonderful patterns and colors, the only appropriate word is vivid. Or, put another way, if you stare at one long enough you’re likely to become airsick.
And so I occasionally go to eBay to buy old ties. And yes, I do wear them, although not very often. They’re part of the outfit I wear when I do my ukulele act. Which, if you know anything about the popularity of ukulele acts these days, explains why I’m not getting a lot of use out of the ties.
Well, lately it seems like every time I see a tie I like – such as this sort-of-cool red one with a winter scene that included people skiing and skating and sledding and even Santa Claus flying overhead, which is a lot of information to pack into one tie – I run up against a bunch of people who like it just as much.
I had no idea there were so many ukulele players out there.
So what happens? Something clicks and the next thing I know, this sort-of-cool necktie, one that I hadn’t even seen until five minutes ago, becomes The Greatest Necktie In The History Of Men’s Accessories, and I will fight to the last dollar in my billfold to get it, even if it costs about as much as I would pay for a really nice brand-new one at Nordstrom (which I could wear when I’m NOT playing the ukulele.)
I guess auctions bring out my competitive side. Just yesterday I got into a bidding war for a French catalog, which sounds a lot sexier than it really is. In truth, it’s a French-Canadian Simpson Sears Christmas Catalog, circa 1957. I thought my sister’s kid Deniece, who speaks excellent French, might enjoy it, so I bid.
I had it all to myself for six days, 23 hours and 50 minutes, with the bid parked on what I thought was a reasonable amount for an old catalog. And there things remained, at T minus 10 minutes and counting, when some fellow eBayer shouted “En garde!” and the duel began. Next thing I knew the price was taking off like a rocket and to tell you the truth, I was getting a little nervous. I mean, I love my niece and all, but I’m not sure I need to spend three figures on something she’s going to look at a couple of times and then stick onto a bookshelf to be forgotten.
But at the same time, this guy who kept bidding against me was getting on my nerves. I mean, I’d been camped out on that thing for a week and NOW he decides he wants to bid? And I was just supposed to let him get away with it? No way, Jose. Or, to be French about it, au contraire, Pierre.
Did I win? Mais oui. Did I pay too much? Sacre bleu, did I ever.
So it’s obvious. This competitive streak of mine is burning a hole in my pocket. This is nuts. I can’t afford it. And so I really have to do something about it, starting right now.
Anybody want to buy some old neckties? I’m having a sale. They’ll be on eBay.
© 2007 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
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