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Fixing a Hole Where the Goop Gets In
Did you miss me?
Oh, wait. I worked up some columns ahead of time so you wouldn’t know I was gone. Well, then, how’s this?
Would you have missed me if you had known I was gone?
Wait. I may not want to know the answer. Let me try one more time.
Hi there. Nice to see you. And when I say “see,” I mean for the first time in months.
I’m just now getting back to – well, for lack of a better term, I’ll continue to refer to it as “work” -- after a little time off for eye surgery. It almost makes me wish I were back in school. Just think of the reaction when you stand up to read “How I Spent My Summer Vacation” and begin with: “I spent my summer vacation getting poked in the eye with a sharp stick.”
Talk about your attention-getter. Sure beats the heck out of the same-old same-old about going to Grandma’s and then to Scout camp.
The surgery was to remove a glob of blood from the vitreous humor of my left eye. It had been hanging around in there since last February and giving no indication it planned to move out on its own. In fact, it liked it so much that even after my doctor spot-welded the leaking blood vessel with a laser, my eye popped ANOTHER gasket and yanked the retina loose as well.
The result was that my left eye was more or less just taking up space, but lucky for me, it was still under warranty, and so off I went to have it fixed by Dr. Raj Maturi, my new best friend.
The procedure, as best as I can describe it, is as follows:
Poke a hole in the eye and suck out all the goop with blood in it.
Fix the leak.
Get the retina back where it’s supposed to go.
Put a bubble in the eye to keep things in place until it’s all healed.
Pour into a prepared pan and bake in a 350 degree oven.
Check the oil and battery and rotate the tires every 3,000 miles.
Keep charged when not in use.
Of course, I could be wrong about those last ones. You see, the surgery was done while I was in that state of anesthesia known to the Medical Community as “Awake, Numb and Whacked Out Of His Gourd.”
That meant I could see what was happening – I could actually see the little nozzle siphoning the blood out of my eye – and be fascinated by it, instead of what I would have been without the drugs, which is to say Panicked Beyond All Reason. Instead, I just thought it was cool.
Then, as soon as the hole was fixed, the retina fell back into place all by itself.
I went home, got plenty of rest, got better, and that’s pretty much the story of how I spent my summer vacation.
Now it’s time to get back to the serious business of making fun of things. But before I do, let me just say that today my sight is completely clear and I am grateful for the talented doctors and nurses who work with the amazing technology that fixed my eye.
Truly we live in an age of miracles. If I couldn’t see that before I can sure see it now.
© 2007 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright © 2007 Knightstown Banner, LLC The Banner PO Box 116 Knightstown, IN 46148 (765) 345-2292