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Ramblings by Rose Mary

Please refer to the Ramblings by Rose Mary main page for columns published in other issues.
Rose Mary can be contacted via e-mail at rwclarke@mibor.net.

 

 

 

 Spring Means a Whole New Wardrobe

 

Spring Diary: The Tuesday before Easter, my mood was as gray as the sky. I don't believe that the human critter was meant to be happy 24/7, and I certainly wasn't. My discontent was a semi-annual, seasonal event. I rashly decided to switch my winter and lightweight clothing which entails packing sweaters away in boxes and exchanging the contents of my closets.

I knew better than to undertake this vexatious task before Easter, but I was seduced by the balmy temperatures and the beauties of Spring. Just as Hoosiers know that one shouldn't plant a garden before May 15, we shouldn't expect Easter to be balmy. I remember how we girls shivered on many an Easter Sunday when we went to church in short, light-weight white coats and spring dresses back in the days when hats, patent leather shoes and white gloves were de rigeur.

Funny how one remembers the misfortunes and minutiae of one's past: I never had a little white jacket. Also, Mother couldn't find dress shoes to fit my long, narrow feet, and I had to wear Buster Brown Girl Scout shoes to church.

First, just cleaning out the closets was an aggravating process. The great Erma Bombeck wrote about her dismay when she discovered that during the winter hot-blooded clothes hangers had multiplied in her closets and produced tangled chains that were almost impossible to pull apart. Not only were there chains of hangers in my closets, some hangers were stuck up sleeves, caught in pockets or criss-crossed so that when I removed one item, others came with it.

Bill and I each have two closets-one for summer and one for winter clothing. This contributes greatly to the longevity of our marriage just as having our own checking and charge accounts does. Thus, he never sighs that he doesn't have enough closet space, and we never bicker about who forgot to write down a check.

My closets are in two different rooms, so the process leaves two rooms in a mess. Yes, of course it would make more sense to leave the closet alone. However, my in-season closet has a built-in organizer and holds more.

"Oh, that this too, too solid flesh should melt." Shakespeare

Actually, the situation has changed during the years, and therein lies the reason for my seasonal discontent. Over the past five years I've put on weight around the middle that I can't shed, no matter what diet I try. I even deprive myself of pasta-and I'm passionate about pasta-to no avail.

The spare closet not only contains off-season clothing, it has all the business suits, dresses and pants whose zippers I can no longer close or whose elasticized waistbands will stretch no further. It's become so full that I have to cram stuff in it while my everyday closet grows more and more empty.

"Beware of enterprises that require new clothes." Henry David Thoreau from Walden

Did I sense someone thinking, "Why don't you get rid of the clothes you can't wear and buy new?" A thrifty mother's daughter, I can't bring myself to discard perfectly good attire and buy new. I can hear Mother moaning, "Oh, the expense, the expense."
During my semi-annual straightening I do bring myself to send a few items to charity. I got rid of the suits and dresses with huge shoulder pads that made me look like a halfback For a while, I managed by running a rubber band through a waistband's buttonhole and looping it over the button, but that no longer works.

Hope springs eternal, and at the turn of each season I hopefully imagine that my surplus poundage will miraculously melt. Every Spring and Fall, I set deadlines for myself: "I will, I will, I will lose weight-before Christmas, before Easter, before our houseboat trip, before Thanksgiving." Sigh . . . Soon it will be time for that nasty, ultimate moment of truth when I try on swim suits in front of a triple mirror. I'm beginning to think that mirrors should be illegal!

My waistline isn't the only thing that's grown! I also packed away a a dozen perfectly good bras. I was lolloping over the sides of my old bras. During a pre-trip frenzy before a trip to France, the store where I shop didn't have the underwire bras that I'd worn for years. The new ones that I hurriedly bought rode up and pinched me. When I came home I bought other bras of the old style, but soon outgrew them.

Acquiring a bigger bust might seem wonderful, but I'd rather have a smaller belly!

 

 

 

 

 

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