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 Time to Talk About the KHS Band, 'Poopcase Pursuit' & Hack-a-Zach

Okay, I usually try to use this space to provide answers to your all-important questions because I understand how needy some of you can be. But this week, most of the time anyway, we’re going to play role reversal and I’ll ask the questions. Feel free to answer at any time. No show of hands is necessary.

First, is it me, or does the Knightstown High School band sound better this year than they have since, oh, about 1977?

At the boys home basketball game the band sounded unusually good while performing a variety of songs between the JV and varsity basketball games. (I’m not picking on anyone here, but in some recent years Panther fans have been known to sneak a quick glance at one another during some performances, as if to say, “What?”). But when the Panther band performed the National Anthem Saturday night, they actually hit it square on the number. Almost perfect.

I thought they did a better job than I’ve heard from our KHS band in years.

I just wanted to pass that on to band director John Sutton, err wait that was 1977, KHS band director Chris Holland, and the entire crew. And while I have your attention, I’ll issue a special request. Before the Eastern Hancock game on December 19, could I please hear Kid Rock’s “All Summer Long?” Just thought I’d ask.

Okay, next up, are the first two basketball games an indicator of how teams will try to defend Knightstown big man Zach Apollos? Was it me or did both of those teams deploy a Hack-A-Zach defensive approach?

Zach was hammered with obvious flagrant fouls at least a half-a-dozen times in the two games. The strategy didn’t work because the big guy scored 47 points in the two games, and immediately after the hard fouls, he went right to work by punishing the teams with a flurry of points. He also held his temper amazingly well, despite those flagrant fouls. He’s maturing, and that’s bad news for everyone on the Panther schedule.

A note to future Knightstown opponents: Hack-A-Zach doesn’t work.

Okay, next up, is it me or does school board member Mark Fort look kind of like Danny DeVito, only taller and with more hair? And while we’re at it, board member Steve Dalton, in his younger days, favored Arnold Schwarzenegger. Those two Hollywood types were in the movie “Twins,” so isn’t that a conflict of interest on our school board with Fort and Dalton? And doesn’t board president Kevin Knott look a little like Michael J. Fox?

And maybe it is just me, but were people in a position of authority extremely busy last weekend, or what? Friday night the Knightstown police department made over 60 traffic stops in just four hours during their “Operation Pullover.” Then Saturday night, not to be outdone, the referees in the varsity basketball game against Wes-Del called 50 personal fouls in a game that lasted less than two hours. I checked into the allegations and there’s no truth to the rumor that the KPD was officiating the basketball game.

Now on to another topic. I was having a serious discussion with Knightstown resident Scott Wells, a KHS graduate from decades ago when the scale was set lower, and he and I were exploring ways to make a little side money due to the recession. Based on some local current events, we came up with an idea for a game that we believe could be a big seller and popular at parties and large gatherings.

We’d like to know what you all think. By the way, this was more Scott’s idea than mine, in case you think it’s a bad one.

The game is called “Poopcase Pursuit.”

This is a game that can be literally loads of fun at reunions. The game packet comes with an old suitcase, several plastic bags and a roll of duct tape.

Players are separated into teams, and must poop into plastic bags and quickly seal them with the duct tape. The team captain is the Poop-Shooter, who then tosses the package into the suitcase, which is placed several feet away. Once the suitcase is filled, it is then thrown into a corn field and must land in an upright position. The team whose filled suitcase is discovered in the corn field first, is declared the winner.

Those interested in purchasing the game should contact us immediately, because Christmas is just three weeks away and processing of game packets may be time-consuming. Orders will be taken online only at

And finally, a late-arriving question from my longtime friend Ron Patrick, a Knightstown-area resident, union electrician and diehard Republican-in-mourning.

Ron’s question: “I was wondering if you remember who won last summer’s Boondock’s Farms Redneck Games Queen Contest, and is she is single?”

Well, Ron, the girl’s named was Jessica, she lives in Mooresville, and she said she was not acting the role of Redneck Queen. Unfortunately, she is married to her cousin, and based on that alone, would’ve probably been a good match for you.


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