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Inside the Chrome Dome (archive November 2007)

Please refer to the Inside the Chrome Dome main page for columns published in other issues.

 

 

 

 Localized Holiday Movies Will Add to Season's Joy

Wow, did I stumble upon some really neat news over the weekend.

Banner-area readers are going to be treated to an array of holiday films this year, bringing us all into the Christmas season with many tidings of great joy. The Knightstown Players, a local group of aspiring actors and actresses who never got their big Hollywood break, will be performing some localized Christmas season movies at the Knightstown Opera House throughout the coming weeks.

All of the performances will be loosely-based on actual movies produced by Hollywood-types. But there is a dramatic twist. Those movies will be localized by our own brilliant performers, giving all of us some unique insight into our community. It's pretty exciting stuff.

Performances are already underway, and many more are scheduled. Showings are daily at the Knightstown Opera House. Here's a sampling of what's available for your holiday season viewing enjoyment. Listed first are the Hollywood movies, followed by the localized reenacted versions, and my own personal critique of each performance.

 

It's a Wonderful Life

Plot: A guy thinks his life is pretty crummy and he wishes he was never born. He's then shown what would have been different if he had in fact, never been born. He changes his mind. Pretty cut-and-dry stuff, but considered a holiday classic.

 

Plot: An old superintendent gets replaced by another superintendent, who then gets replaced by another superintendent, who is just temporary, and by now, probably wishes he had never taken the job.

Critique: A long, drawn-out melodrama that lacks plot and direction and makes no sense until it wraps up nicely in the end, which never comes.

 

Frosty the Snowman

Plot: A magic hat on a snowman brings him to life, although he melts. But he returns in dramatic Hollywood fashion in this edge-of-your seat nail-biter.

 

Plot: In a dramatic chain of events pulled from today's headlines, a terrorist attack on a bakery results in a recipe change in the doughnut frosting. Unbeknownst to the owner or customers, the ingredient in the frosting is Rumorkill, a rare syrup recently discovered in the jungles of Congo. Once the Rumorkill takes hold, the play is reminiscent of Hollywood's One Million Years B.C., in which nobody says anything.

Critique: Absolute silence in such an arena would be golden.

 

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Plot: Little Charlie Brown tries to kick a football and Lucy pulls it away, causing Charlie to fall down and buy a ridiculously-pathetic Christmas tree. All is well when they decorate it and cover up the bad parts.

 

Plot: Little Kevin wants to see a document and it's pulled away, and the bad parts are covered up. Kevin then hears a ridiculously-pathetic excuse as to why he can’t see it.

Critique: Original full script would have probably drawn sold-out performances, but it was redacted at the last minute. It's a play worth seeing in its entirety.

 

A Christmas Story

Plot: All little Ralphie wants for Christmas is a Red Ryder BB Gun. He gets it, but also gets shot in the eye.

 

Plot: All little Chad Leakey wants for Christmas is a legitimate chance to bid on an insurance contract. Instead, he gets poked in the eye.

Critique: Unrealistic and simply couldn't happen in 2007. But this play should be viewed closely by everyone.

 

The Santa Clause

Plot: Tim Allen puts on the Santa Clause suit and becomes Santa, although the suit doesn't fit because it's been worn by so many different people over the years. Despite being ridiculed by everyone, he wears the suit anyway. He eventually fits the suit.

 

Plot: Danny Baker puts on the police chief's suit, realizes it's been worn by a gazillion people over the years, and wears the suit anyway. But in a twist, he fits the suit.

Critique: Andy Griffith would be proud.

 

A Christmas Carol

Plot: Three ghosts from the past, present and future, visit an angry old miser and convince him to spread the wealth and look out for the best interests of the community at large.

 

Plot: Three men from the present are visited by an angry town and ordered to serve on the council. They are warned to look out for the best interests of the community, or else.

Critique: The performances have not yet started.

 

Miracle on 34th Street

Plot: A little girl wants a house and wants to believe in Santa Claus. There's a big parade. She eventually gets the house and believes in Santa.

 

Plot: Local government leaders suddenly start doing everything by the book, changing the face of the community, the front page of the newspaper, and causing everyone to believe in Santa Claus.

Critique: A feel-good drama with an unexpected twist that is spell-binding.

 

The Knightstown Opera House is open seven days-per-week, 24 hours-per-day. Admission is free.

 

 

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