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According to Animal Instincts, Colts Will Not Win Super Bowl
I hate to be the bearer of bad news for all of the Indianapolis Colts fans in this area, but your favorite NFL team is once again not going to win the Super Bowl.
I get my information from the most intelligent, knowledgeable football mind on the planet.
Folks, I don’t make the rules. My girlfriend’s 14-year-old daughter does, however, and she says a Super Bowl victory is just not in the cards for the Colts.
She bases her prediction on pure fact. Her name is Chelsea Gibson, and she is at the very top of her eighth grade class at Mt. Vernon Middle School. This is one smart kid who regularly whips my butt at Scrabble.
Chelsea is an avid Colts fan, but she is also a realist. She combines advanced Math based on statistical probability with historical fact to determine, before the season even starts, who will win the Super Bowl, and who doesn’t stand a chance.
Based on Chelsea’s scientific formula, the Colts will not win. This year, the Super Bowl winner will be the New England Patriots, the San Diego Chargers, or the New Orleans Saints.
Chelsea’s not all that different than most other 14-year-old girls who know everything. The difference in her and the others, however, is her keen observation of the ins and outs of the National Football League.
So before you go betting the mortgage on the Colts, consider the following facts:
(a) In the last 30 years, there have only been two teams named after an animal that have won the Super Bowl.
(b) The last seven Super Bowl winners have been either a bird, a Buc, a Patriot or a Steeler. Birds aren’t animals, Chelsea says.
(c) Chelsea is a vegetarian, which means she doesn’t eat birds either, but who can argue with a 14-year-old with an overall 98.9 GPA?
There you have it. Go ahead and bet on a non-animal-nicknamed team to win the Super Bowl, and send Chelsea’s share of your winnings to me in care of the Banner.
Last football season the head referee at the Panther football game at North Decatur turned to me and said, “Remind me not to have a heart attack at this school.”
He was referencing the fact that a North Decatur player suffered a broken leg during the game’s opening kickoff, and 28 minutes later an ambulance arrived. There were no emergency personnel on the scene.
I was reminded of that incident last Friday night, when Knightstown junior varsity player Anthony Hibbert suffered an injury just before halftime of the basketball game. There wasn’t even a team trainer on the scene. It took nearly 30 minutes for the ambulance to arrive, and paramedics transported Hibbert to the Decatur County Hospital. He returned to the gymnasium during the fourth quarter of the varsity game.
The lesson learned here is, a North Decatur High School athletic event is definitely not the place you want to have a medical condition and need the immediate services of emergency personnel.
In their, um, defense, however, the hospital is nearly three miles away…
Knightstown’s basketball team keeps getting victimized by five to seven minute spans on extremely poor shooting. In nearly every game they have lost this season, the team suffered through a dry spell in which the opponent ran off a series of unanswered baskets, essentially deciding the game.
The story line has stayed pretty much the same throughout the season. Each loss can be blamed for the most part on one bad stretch of action. It’s hard to swish the nets when the rim keeps getting in the way.
Against North Decatur, that stretch occurred from about the four minute mark of the first quarter to the four minute mark of the second quarter. North Decatur went on a 21-5 run, but won the game by just 11 points. That scene has been reoccurring throughout the season.
What that means, of course, is that several of those losses this 1-11 team has suffered could have been turned around by eliminating those lapses. The Panthers could easily be 6-6 right now and the season would be taking on an entirely different look.
It’s not too late for this team to get over that hump and metamorphosis into a team that doesn’t suffer that lack of concentration for extended periods. Of the remaining nine games, six are very winnable. It’s still too early to throw in the towel on this young team, because you never know when that light is going to come on and all at once, they can see the way through a full 32-minute game.
The next two weeks could be the initial building blocks for a great season-ending run. Centerville (8-1) and Shenandoah (6-3) are two of the best teams on the remaining Panther schedule.
If the team can be competitive in those games, the season will take a dramatic turn for the better.
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